Learning Things The Hard Way | Genesis 29:1-20

INTRODUCTION

Man is wicked, tough and deceptive because of the fall and it often takes God to bring people through tough discipline to build God’s likeness in them. Guess what: Even when God disciplines us and prepares us for big phases in our lives like marriage, he does it with love and the result in mind. That is why the Bible says:

Romans 8:28-29

²⁸And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son. It is a fact that man only learns and turns to God’s ways when his face is against the wall.

HF: This morning I want to speak to you about two big lessons Jacob learnt from Genesis 29.

God had promised Jacob the promises given to Abraham but Jacob acted smart and got the blessings by his own effort. God soon takes him through training where God indeed blesses him but learns things the hard way.

Jacob was on a long journey from Beersheba to a place called Haran. Midway, he stopped for the night and slept on a rock in the open. During the night, he had a dream about a ladder stretching from heaven to earth. In that dream the Lord himself had spoken to Jacob, reassuring him that God would go with him wherever went.

Genesis 29:1

Then Jacob continued on his journey and came to the land of the eastern peoples. As a result of the encounter with God at Bethel, Jacob has a new zeal in his journey. Before that night, Jacob’s heart was filled with fear; now he is walking with renewed hope. He was a fugitive, now he is a traveller. Earlier he was running for his life; now he is running to find a wife.

After many days of travelling, Jacob finally arrived on the outskirts of Haran. In Haran Jacob learnt two life lessons:

I. Finding your right partner

Finding a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions of life, second only to accepting the Lord as your saviour.

Proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.

Genesis 2:18

The Lord God said, “It is not good for a man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Naturally, children grow into adults and the time comes when they need to get married. The question that most people ask is: When should I marry? Whom to get married to? How do I look for a spouse?

The first thing he saw was a well, with the mouth closed and with shepherds and a herd of sheep nearby.

Genesis 29:7-8

⁷“Look,” he said, “the sun is still high; it is not time for the flocks to be gathered. Water the sheep and take them back to pasture.” ⁸“We can’t,” they replied, “until all the flocks are gathered and the stone has been rolled away from the mouth of the well. Then we will water the sheep.” Jacob then asked the shepherds if they knew of a man named Laban. They replied, “Yes, we know him.” At that very moment, seemingly by coincidence but actually in the providence of God, a beautiful young woman walked toward the well with her sheep. She “happened” to be Rachel, Laban’s daughter.

Genesis 29:9

While he was still talking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherd.

This is evidently one of those cases of “love at first sight.” Jacob is head on heels in love.

Genesis 29:10

When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of his uncle Laban, and Laban’s sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle’s sheep. As Jacob and these shepherds are standing around waiting for someone to come and roll the stone away from the mouth of the well, no one seems to volunteer. Then Rachel shows up, Jacob takes one look at her, and suddenly Jacob is Superman! He steps up and moves the stone out of the way for the little lady!

Genesis 29:11-14

¹¹Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud. ¹²He had told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and a son of Rebekah. So she ran and told her father. ¹³As soon as Laban heard the news about Jacob, his sister’s son, he hurried to meet him. He embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his home, and there Jacob told him all these things. ¹⁴Then Laban said to him, “You are my own flesh and blood.” His uncle welcomes him with open arms. It had been a long time since Laban’s sister (Jacob’s mother) had gone away to become Isaac’s bride.

Jacob starts working in Laban’s house and when Laban asked about wages, Jacob says he is willing to work for 7 years to have Rachel as his wife. Jacob who went for a couple of months has signed a 7-year contract because of his love for Rachel. The most revealing statement about Jacob’s love for Rachel is made in

Genesis 29:20

So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

After seven years came the wedding day. On the wedding day, Jacob unknowingly is married to the wrong woman, Laban’s elder daughter, Leah. Jacob however marries Rachel a week after marrying Leah but has to serve another 7 years for Laban. Here is a man serving 14 years to get the one he loves. This is true love. There is a lesson here concerning how to find true love.

NOTE

Let me say in the onset here that while it is God’s will for everyone to be married it is also God’s will for some to stay unmarried and serve God. Some good Christian men and women never marry and live very happy and fulfilled lives for the Lord. Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7, actually recommends this choice. Moving forward, I want to give you five helpful truths from this passage in finding the right partner.

1. Wait for the right time for your marriage

How do we know when we are ready for a lasting serious marriage relationship?

a. Have the right relationship with God

Check your relationship with God. Youngsters, don’t think about a Christian wedding if you are not serious about God. This encounter with the house of Laban and Rachel happens after Jacob’s encounter with God. He now had the ladder in his life, he had the Lord in his life. He had committed, a vow to God concerning how he would live his life.

A person is ready for marriage only if he is serious about the Lord in his life. Parents, kindly don’t force your non-church-attending child to get married to a believer. God has to be the priority before you think about marriage.

b. Able to relate well with others

Marriage has a lot of social binding. Do not get your children married if they are not ready to relate with others. You need to be mature to relate with people around. Jacob is no kid here. He a mature young man ready leave home and travel through unknown territory to reach his uncle’s house. That means he had to interact with people, probably he made some friends on the way. Finally, when he reaches Haran, he is interacting with the shepherds at the well. He has not hesitation to speak to Rachel and kiss her. Then he gets along in his father-in-law’s house. Social skills are very important for marriage. Most of the times problems happen in marriage because you don’t know how to adapt to your spouse or the spouse’s family members. Check your maturity level.

c. Have a job at hand

Have a good job and work hard at it to support your family. Jacob had to support and care for a wife. He is willing to work seven years for the right to marry Rachel. Also, Rachel is the keeper of her father’s sheep. Sheep meant money back then. Laban would never leave Rachel in charge of his sheep if she was not trustworthy and responsible! Here we have responsible, hardworking, and earning men and women ready to get married.

d. Handle responsibilities at home

Don’t get your children married if they are not doing any work at home. I have seen boys given bed coffee, and then fed everything, their bills are paid by dad and mom and he proceed to marriage and expects the wife to do the same for him. You need to mature to a point where you can single-handedly handle your life before you think about marriage. Start giving your children responsibilities.

2. Marry for the right reasons

There are all sorts of reasons for getting married, many of which are not the best reasons.

Wrong reasons to marry

a. Rebellion

Jacob’s brother Esau did this as he chose two wives from the daughters of Heth. This sounds like the young man who rebelled against is parents. He was sick and tired of them bossing him around, so to spite them, he married.

b. Escapism

Many people marry to escape a broken relationship or escape a bad home situation. Jacob is for sure escaping as he leaves home, but it is not so much about his parents as it is his angry threatening brother. Some people marry to take care of their ageing parents.

c. Social Pressure

Don’t get married because of social pressure. Don’t say, “It is time to get married because everyone gets married about this time.”

d. Physical attraction

Jacob was attracted to Rachel’s beauty.

Genesis 29:17

Leah had weak eyes (KJV tender eyes), but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful. Rachel was very beautiful! There is nothing wrong with being physically attracted to someone, but if that is the sole reason for getting married, it is not a reason enough! Those who marry solely based on physical attraction, end up with a fatal attraction.

e. Dowry

Don’t marry to live on your dowry.

The right reason to marry

The greatest reason to get married is to fulfil God’s plan for our lives. When we are walking with God, it enables Him to give us His best.

3. Listen to the right people

Back in Genesis 28, Jacob’s father and mother blessed him and guided him in his marriage.

Genesis 29:2

Go at once to Paddan Aram, to the house of your mother’s father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother.

The scene here is set against Esau’s poor example. Esau did not seek advice from his parents and when they gave it he married the Hittite woman of his choice.

Jacob eventually marries Rachel with the blessing of both sets of parents. The second most important decision of life is who we will chose as a lifetime mate. Make sure to get wise, Holy Spirit-led, biblical, godly counsel in this decision.

It pays to listen to the right people. Get advice from the right people when it concerns our marriage. In this case, the best people in Jacob’s life to turn for advise was his parents. If not parents, God has placed people in our lives who have wisdom, a knowledge of the Scriptures, who have the maturity to advice us.

The recommendation for our marriage was done by both our parents. Glory and I promptly did obey our parents and the rest is history.

4. Look at the right places

Jacob found Rachel in Haran, at a well. If you were a young man living in that timeframe and looking to pick up a wife, where would you go? You would go to the nearest well! There was no Corner House or Malls there in Haran. The well was the happening place! This might be the very well where Abraham’s servant Eliezer found Rebekah for Isaac.

As we consider going to the right place to meet our true love, we might first ask ourselves the question, “What are we looking for?” Are we looking for a good, decent, godly person? Are we looking for someone who knows and loves God? Are we looking for someone who loves and respects his or her parents? If this is the type of person we are looking for, then we must ask the question, “Where is the most likely place to find such a person?” There are many who are looking for the right people in all the wrong places. For sure we can meet true love almost anywhere, however, there are some places, and some crowds, we had better avoid.

Jacob met Rachel among his people. Those days they could marry cousins. So they had much in common, the same family background and most importantly they possessed a common faith in God!

The best place to look for a partner is where believers are there.

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. Now, just because a person is in church doesn’t mean he or she is a good choice. We can meet the wrong person in the right place. However, looking in the right places does make a great difference.

5. Look for the right person.

Jacob leaves home with the blessing of his parents. We find Rachel living at home in obedience and submission to her parents. How do we know? She is keeping her father’s sheep!

Listen, a rebel at home is a rebel against God! Be wary of anyone who puts down his or her parents. If we are going to look for the right person, we must have in mind some criteria. Listen, as young as possible, we ought to establish criteria for our future partner. We must sit down and write out the characteristics and qualities we are looking for. Establish good, godly, biblical criteria for a future partner.

If we are looking for a certain type of person and putting down your expectations, make sure that you are balanced in your approach. A carpenter and expect to get a doctor as your spouse. Whatever qualities you expect look at yourself whether you match up.

Moving on, here is the second lesson Jacob learnt in Haran.

II. What goes around comes around

In simple words, what you sow, you will reap.

Galatians 6:7

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

Jacob has been sowing the seeds of deceit for a long time, the harvest is about to come. Up until this point, Jacob has lived by his wits. He has survived by relying on his shrewd ability to take care of himself in any situation. When things have gone bad, Jacob has somehow managed to land on his feet. All that is about to change because uncle Laban, is going to change Jacob’s life forever and there’s nothing Jacob can do about it.

Jacob worked for Laban 7 year and the time and day for the wedding has come. First, there is a huge feast in honor of the happy couple. That took most of the day. Then at night, the husband retired to his chambers and the bride was escorted by her father to meet the groom, and thus the marriage was consummated. Until now, everything has gone as planned. There is a twist here.

Genesis 29:25

When morning came, there was Leah! I’m surprised Jacob didn’t have a heart attack. Then it hits him: I slept with the wrong woman.

Remember, we have many questions we have at this point: How in the world could something like this happen? The answer is this is not a traditional or modern Indian wedding here. Weddings in the ancient Middle East followed different patterns. The most likely explanation is that when Laban brought his daughter Leah to Jacob, it was late and very dark and she was veiled from head-to-toe. If there had been much drinking at the feast, that might have impaired Jacob’s faculties (The Bible says nothing about this). In the darkness, somehow Jacob didn’t realize the woman next to him was Leah and not Rachel. So the marriage was consummated, but with the wrong woman!

(Where was Rachel that night? Did she know about the swap? Why did Leah go along with this? Was it a case of two sisters competing for the same man? We don’t know.)

Then the second thought hits him: Laban! It had to be Laban because he was the one who brought his “bride” to his chambers.

Genesis 29:25-26

²⁵So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” ²⁶Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one.”

Laban cooly replies that he was forced by custom to give Leah in marriage first because she was the firstborn. This is the second direct hit by God. Jacob had dishonoured the principle of the firstborn by cheating his brother out of the birthright and the blessing. Now God forces him to honor the principle he had violated by marrying Leah first. And who had Jacob deceived? His father Isaac. Now the deceiver is deceived by his father-in-law! Everything that goes around, comes around.

As long as Jacob was in Beersheba, he could get away with almost anything. But in Haran, Jacob is in a foreign territory. God’s got him in a place far removed from his comfort zone, a place where Jacob is forced to think about his life.

If you had asked Jacob, “What’s your strong point?” he would have no doubt said, “I know how to cut a deal. I know how to handle people. I know how to negotiate a contract.” Then he would have said, “I’m always in control. No one ever gets the best of me.” When he meets Uncle Laban, all his boasting comes to nothing. Suddenly he’s no longer in control. He cut a deal and ended up losing. He negotiated a contract, and Uncle Laban deceived him.

CONCLUSION

Do you see what God has done? He has touched Jacob at the point of his strength and humbled him. God does that to you and me—touching us at the point where we feel strongest. He brings us down so that we will understand our confidence must be in God alone. He wants us to know that even our strength must come from him.

Jacob is not the only one to make the long journey out of the Promised Land to. God still sends his children to Haran today. Haran is any place in your life where you are experiencing suffering or difficulty. It could be a relationship, it could be your marriage, it could be your work situation or your financial condition. Haran for you might be that impossible person you work with every day or it might be a troubling health condition.

Remember God has brought you to Haran for a purpose. The road to the Promised Land goes through Haran. But the God who was with Jacob in Haran and made him a success can make our life a success in him. Let’s pray.