How to forgive? | Philemon 1:8-14

INTRODUCTION

We all come across hurts and rejection in our life. Some of you have gone through it, some are going through it right now and others may go through it in the future. Hurts are a part and parcel of life. Today, I am going to speak to you on how to forget the past hurts, forgive and be free.

How to forgive?

We have been studying on the epistle of Philemon and over the last couple weeks.

RECAP

Philemon was a Christian businessman living in the city of Colossae and in his home the church at Colossae met. Paul led him to Christ. They had a slave by the name of Onesimus. Onesimus wanted his freedom, so he ran away to Rome. On the run he stole some money and articles for his survival. And when he was in Rome, he met Apostle Paul, a prisoner there. Paul led him to Christ. Now, Paul sends him back to his owner, Philemon, with this letter asking Philemon to forgive Onesimus.

Until now we have seen:

1. What does Unforgiveness do?
2. Seven reasons to forgive.
3. What kind of person forgives?

Paul after showing the Christian character of a forgiver which we saw in Philemon 1:4-7 is pushing for forgiveness now:

Philemon 1:8

Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do… Paul says, “Philemon, I have the divine right to command you to forgive Onesimus.”

Philemon 1:9a

yet I prefer to appeal to you on the basis of love. Paul is not using his authority here but Paul is making an appeal in love.

Forgiveness can be rendered only where Christian love is practiced. Friends, how much ever authority we have or whatever position we are in, love is the path for us to operate. If there is love there can be forgiveness. If you have God’s love, you can forgive.

Matthew 22:37

Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Love is the foundation of our Christian faith.

Romans 13:10

Love is the fulfillment of the law. Love is our foundation for forgiveness.

Paul makes a reference to his authority for Philemon to understand but he pulls it back and says, “I’m just asking you for love’s sake.”

You can also see God’s love operated in both these men.

Philemon 1:1 KJV

“Philemon our dearly beloved”.

Forgiveness can be rendered only where Christian love can be practiced.

Philemon 1:7

Your love has given me great joy.

Philemon 1:9b

It is as none other than Paul—an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus. This is a tough scene. To get the heart of Philemon, Paul wants to use some sympathetic communication and he speaks of himself in two sort of pathetic ways intending to tenderize Philemon. I am an old man now and also a prisoner of Christ Jesus.”

This is a pretty tough scene. Philemon is in his house reading this letter. Right in front of him is Onesimus, the runaway slave, who stole him. All the emotion that has been bottled up from the time Onesimus left is welling up in his heart. They are looking eye-to-eye and Philemon is feeling emotion to take Onesimus and beat him or imprison him. So, the apostle Paul says, “I’m just going to ask you to forgive him for love’s sake, and would you please do that because I am requesting you – the aged and prisoner of Christ.”

He just wants to pull a little sympathy. Paul is not very much older than Philemon because Philemon was old enough to have a son in the ministry. But, the word “aged” carries more with it than just years in the case of Paul. Here aged means the aging process that had been accelerated by the experiences of Paul. Back in Acts 7 when he was standing there watching them stone Stephen, it says he was a young man; he’s not a young man anymore. He’s old and he’s older than his years. He has endured so much imprisonment, travels, illness, persecution, work, bodily injuries etc. He said:

Galatians 6:17

I bear in my body the marks of Jesus. He had scars all over his body from stoning, from whips and rods, the stocks that he had been kept prisoner in. The painful ministry made Paul aged and he is using this to somehow cause Philemon to forgive.

Paul then says:

Philemon 1:9b

….now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus. Acts 28 says he was a prisoner in a rented house. He is chained to a Roman soldier. And Paul is saying, “Philemon, can you refuse a request of love from old me a prisoner of Christ to forgive Onesimus?”

Now, you may ask me pastor, “How can I receive a person who has hurt me back into my life?” Offering forgiveness is not allowing a person back in to exploit you again. However, if you see true changes, you accept that person back again otherwise you forgive and move on.

4. Guidelines for acceptance.

This is when people come back after hurting you or if you have hurt someone, you need to do this to be reconciled from the hurts you have caused.

Many times in relationships we just forgive for the sake of society and pressure and do not deal with the issues. The problem is if restoration is offered without change, the cycle is bound to repeat. Here Paul gives proof of three things that changed in Onesimus for him to be accepted.

a. Repent for acceptance

Paul says, “He is ready to be taken back because he is come in repentance.

Philemon 1:10

I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains. How do you know he repented? Because Onesimus went back from Rome to Colossae to face the man he had wronged, who had the power to punish him. That’s repentance.

Remember what John the Baptist said to the Pharisees?

Matthew 3:8

Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. Here’s the fruit. He went back. Very dangerous, could have cost him his life. He’s humble. He seeks to have a restored relationship with this man whom he has wronged. He has come. So, open up, kill the hostility, embrace the person.

b. Transform

Paul is saying you are not getting the same person who ran away from you but a changed man.

Philemon 1:11

Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me.

Look at the changed here: Useless to useful. Now Onesimus means “useful.” It was a common name for slaves. They just nicknamed their slaves useful and useless depending on how good they were. So, Paul says, “After running away Onesimus was useless but now he is useful, both to you and to me.” Why? God’s changed him, he’s not the same man.

Now he is going to serve you like:

Colossians 2:22

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.

He’s coming back a different servant. He’s a transformed man. I’ve seen his usefulness and you’ll see it too. So there is repentance, there is transformation.

c.  Prove Faithful to be accepted

Philemon 1:12

I am sending him—who is my very heart—back to you. Paul says, “Onesimus has become beloved to me. I’ve opened my arms and taken him in. He is a changed man now and he can be loved again. So take him back and in sending him to you I’m cutting out my heart.”

Philemon 1:13

I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. Paul says, “Philemon, I know you would want to be here to minister to me, but your servant has ministered me in your place. So I want to keep him with me” But he says:

Philemon 1:14

But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do would not seem forced but would be voluntary. “I know you would now want Onesimus to stay with me but I wouldn’t do that without your consent even if I am entitled to do so. I don’t want to presume on your love. More than that, I, Paul want you to see the repentance, transformation, and the faithfulness of Onesimus now. So accept him back”

Beloved, this is where forgiveness and reconciliation starts. A repentant person, a transformed person, and a person of value come back and the hurt person forgetting the grudges and offenses and saying, “Yes, if you’re sorry I take you in.” This is the same forgiveness Jesus offers us, come to him knowing that you are a sinner and Jesus forgives you.

What if your offender does not come to you?

Matthew 18:15-17

¹⁵“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ¹⁶But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ ¹⁷If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Now Paul is telling here is a repentant man, transformed and man with new values, so take him back.

CONCLUSION

Friends, have you hurt someone, make it a point to reconcile and pay back your wrongs. Is someone hurt you, offer forgiveness unconditionally? If you see repentance: Receive, take the person back. Restore; take them back into useful service. Restitution, if they can pay accept it, if they cannot, offer forgiveness. If there is anyone in your family needing reconciliation stand in the place of Jesus like Paul and bring people to reconciliation. Let’s pray.