Harmonious Households | Colossians 3:18-4:1

INTRODUCTION

In Colossians, Paul talks about the theme of ‘supremacy of Christ,’ how Christ is supreme over everything and how we find our identity in Christ. This identity then extends to the very core of our lives in the society, church, families and relationships.

Colossians 3:18-4:1 serves as a guide for navigating the intricate dynamics of harmonious household relationships. This is very relevant today as it was in the ancient world. It lays the foundation for harmonious homes that not only glorify God but also radiate His love and grace to a watching world.

In these verses, the Apostle Paul unveils a revolutionary approach to household dynamics. He challenges the status quo of his time, emphasizing mutual respect, love, and responsibility within families. Paul envisions Christian households as beacons of God’s grace, where submission, love, and fairness abound. Through these transformed households, the Church itself becomes a symbol of unity and reconciliation.

They key verse of Colossians:

Colossians 2:6-7

⁶So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, ⁷rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

As we embrace life in Christ, it’s essential to be firmly rooted in His identity. This foundation naturally guides us to shed certain behaviours and adopt Christ-like virtues.

In our newfound life in Christ, the church is entrusted with mutual responsibility and a profound unity. This unity not only shapes our interactions within the faith community but also extends to our families, fostering solidarity that echoes in the larger church.

Colossians 3:5

⁵Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ⁶Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. ⁷ You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. ⁸But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.

Colossians 3:12-17

¹²Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

¹⁵Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Now, the duty to promote love, peace, and unity is addressed from the church to the family unit. In this new context, Christian conduct, as outlined in Colossians 3:17, becomes the guiding principle for household living.

Now, life in the home is lived according to the Christian conduct, mentioned in 3:17.

The gospel is all about everybody at every age, loving everyone. He is giving the basic ground plan for Christian domesticity.

Colossians 3:18-4:1

¹⁸Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

¹⁹Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

²⁰Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

²¹Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

²²Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. ²³Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, ²⁴since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. ²⁵Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism.

Paul, here deals with relationship within the Christian household as part of the wider discussion of the new life in Christ. There are similar household codes in Eph. 5:22-6:9 & 1 Pet. 2:18-3:7.

One may wonder why these instructions were necessary?

It’s important to recognize that ancient family structures differed significantly from modern ones. Families often comprised husbands, wives, numerous children, and even slaves. In the cultural backdrop of that time, slavery was an integral part of society.

Within the early church they were confused as to how to live life in family and relationships. “Maybe we are not supposed to live in families anymore. Maybe we are supposed to live in one extended family. Maybe we are supposed to live away from the world in cluster communities. Maybe we must have all things in common, even share spouses and children and so on.”

Paul is quite clear that the gospel being about new creation is about the renewal of the vision of human life in Genesis 1 and 2. This is about husbands and wives and then children. Then we move into other areas like master and slaves. Basically, Paul wants the world to be ordered and wants the Christian household to reflect that order.

We in the 21^st Century India may think that this is a 1^st century code.

The remarkable thing about these passages here is that women, children and slaves are addressed as individual moral agents, who are people in their own right, who can make their own moral minds up, and have to realize that is the same in the family, to hold the family, the life of love and mutual responsibility. There are differences of role and it makes sense within the service of Jesus to fulfill those roles and to find through the love and forgiveness that Paul has been commending that they will actually work and come together in a coherent and wise way of life.

In Paul’s world and time, there were women’s liberation movements based on history, where women were encouraged to either leave their husband and get on an do their own thing. Many people would have been wondering, is this Christian movement? Paul is navigating through a difficult path in the Greco-Roman and Jewish understanding of life and marriage and says that “If there are husbands and wives and children, they should live as a disciplined and responsible family. That was what the church was to be like and to be a sign to the watching world. This is a new sort of order which will be healthy and lifegiving.

Paul emphasizes on responsibilities than individual rights in the families.

Paul addresses:

• Husbands & Wives.
• Parents & Children.
• Masters & Slaves.

In this equation, the more vulnerable partners are wives, children, and slaves in this scenario.

See the triangle in all this. Everything is done in the Lord: Lord, husband, wife. Lord, parents, children. Lord, masters, slaves.

This is revolutionary”

• Paul is showing respect and honor for more vulnerable partner in the relationship and demanding commitment and care from the more dominant partner.
• Paul gives them acceptance, patience, and justice.
• Both partners have well-defined responsibilities which holds each partner responsible to the other.

Wife

Colossians 3:18

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

It is clear that for Paul, men and women are on equal footage in the body of Christ; 3:11. How then are the roles of husband and wife are actually meant to sit?

Wife, voluntarily submit to your husband. Paul calling the woman to submit is not someone imposing submission on the woman. It is not pestering the wife or pounding the wife to submit, but as a Christian whose words and deeds have to be in the name of the Lord, voluntarily submit to your husband. The Bible does not ask the husband the demand the wife to submit, but the wife has to submit voluntarily. In Ephesians you may actually see that it is mutual submission.

Submit as fitting to the Lord: The basis for their submission is an agreed code of conduct for those who are in the Lord. Submit in what is fitting in the Lord. This submission is an attitude of heart. It is a relational dynamic than a power equation.

Husband

Colossians 3:19

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Husbands love your wife.

Do not be hard with your wife.

Husbands cannot treat their wives shabbily. Paul must have seen many families in which the husbands would be harsh with their wives, or be abusive to their wives. Paul says that you must be supportive and back them up and strengthen them. Do everything you can to make them realize that they are important to you. That your primary aim in life, in the context of serving the Lord is to love them and look after them.

• A husband who is so loving will make it easier for the wife to submit.
• A wife who is so submitting will make it easier for the husband to love.

Triangle of Christian Marriage: Mutual acceptance, mutual responsibility and mutual submission.

• A Christian family is run by equality, mutual respect, and love.
• Peace and harmony come with each member fulfilling their divinely appointed role.
• Christian marriage encourages mutual responsibility, mutual acceptance, accountability to Christ and one another.
• Families cannot be run only on rules but on love. Just rules breed rebellion, chaos, oppression which can lead to separation and divorce.
• A family where everyone does what they please become dysfunctional.

Example of a harmonious couple: Aquilla and Priscilla

• Aquila and Priscilla, a biblical couple.
• Demonstrated mutual submission and love.
• Partners in marriage and vocation (tentmaking); Acts 18:2-3.
• Mentored members of the church; Acts 18:24-26
• Active in the early Christian church; Romans 16:3-4
• Hosted a church in their home; 1 Cor. 16:19
• Exemplify mutual submission and love in Christian marriage.
• Relevant to Colossians 3:18-4:1 teaching.

A notable example of a biblical couple who demonstrated mutual submission and love for each other can be found in the relationship between Aquila and Priscilla. They are mentioned several times in the New Testament, including in the book of Acts and in Paul’s letters.

One key aspect of their relationship is how they worked together in their trade as tentmakers (Acts 18:3). They were not only partners in marriage but also partners in their vocation, supporting each other and working side by side.

Aquila and Priscilla are also known for their involvement in the early Christian church. They played a significant role in the ministry of the apostle Paul, and they are mentioned as hosting a church in their home (1 Corinthians 16:19). This demonstrates their joint commitment to serving God and their fellow believers.

Their partnership and support for each other, both in their marriage and in their service to God, serve as an excellent example of mutual submission and love within a Christian marriage, as encouraged in Colossians 3:18-4:1.

Then he turns to children:

Children

Colossians 3:20

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

While wife’s subjection is voluntary, children are demanded to obey. Children should honour and respect their parents not only in childhood, but also throughout the whole of their lives as required by the fifth commandment (Ex. 20:12).

The reason for obedience: For this pleases the Lord.

Paul is saying, “Children, if your parents are telling you something, then do it. Don’t be rebellious. Don’t back answer them. Most parents are not going to tell you to do unnecessary or unnatural things. So obey your parents in the Lord.

But there are some exceptions. Some parents abuse their children. Child abuse has become a major problem in our world today. Parents have abused their rights and have become violent against defenceless children.

Obedience to parents provides boundaries for young children, learning the art of self-discipline.

Free or non-disciplined children may lead to disaster in later adult life.

Children are also to provide and care for your elderly parents.

The word to children is balanced by a word to the fathers.

Fathers

Colossians 3:21

Fathers, do not embitter (irritate or over-correct) your children, or they will become discouraged.

In the present-day context, I can tell it is ‘Fathers and mothers.’

Do not embitter your children or they may lose heart.

• Embitter is to irritate or over-correct your child.
• To punish one’s child in anger and without explanation.
• To criticize or to nag them for everything may cause irreparable psychological harm.

Empathize with them in their weakness. Otherwise they might lose heart.

Children need discipline and parents need self-restraint and patience.

Paul would have actually seen parents abusing their children.

Children being beaten mercilessly.

Angry words, using words that are hurting.

Angry deeds, doing something that hurts the child and crushes the child’s spirit.

Don’t punish children without adding a bit of mercy and love in it.

Jesus welcomed children and loved them. Paul does not want that. I have counseled people where I see the pain of such angry words and deeds carried by the child into adulthood for 30, 40, 50 years.

Example:

One of the most well-known examples of an obedient child and a godly parent in the Bible is the story of Samuel and his mother, Hannah, found in the Old Testament.

Hannah and Samuel:

• Elkanah, Samuel’s father, deeply loved and supported his wife, Hannah, despite her infertility.

He offered comfort and affection during her struggles (1 Samuel 1:4-8).

Elkanah was a devout man who regularly worshipped and offered sacrifices to the Lord, setting an example of faithfulness and reverence for God (1 Samuel 1:3).

His love for Hannah and devotion to God contributed to the family’s faithfulness and dedication.

• Hannah, a devout woman, prayed fervently for a child despite her infertility.

She made a vow to dedicate her child to the service of the Lord if granted one.

God answered her prayer, and she gave birth to Samuel.

Hannah fulfilled her promise and brought Samuel to serve at the Tabernacle under the priest Eli.

• Samuel displayed remarkable obedience and faithfulness to God, even in challenging circumstances.

This story exemplifies the obedience and devotion of a child, Samuel.

He honored his mother’s vow and dedicated his life to serving God.

This story illustrates the obedience of Samuel and the godly parenting of Hannah.

Elkanah’s Love and Godly Nature:

Next, Paul gets into the difficult bit, slavery.

Slaves

In the ancient world, slavery was how more or less everything got done. It is estimated that 1/3^rd of the people in imperial Rome in the 1^st Century were slaves, and another 1/3^rd were freed slaves. All the ordinary household jobs and executive jobs were got done mostly by slavery. The people were someone’s slaves. Slaves were in a sense, employees and the owner had to house them, feed them and look after them.

We say that slavery is an abomination. When we think of slavery in the modern world, we think of what happened in the 18^th and 19^th century, when people were shipped over from Africa in terrible conditions, many people dying on the way in order to be put in pretty hard and harsh treatment in plantations and so on. So, we associate slavery with race and hard labor, problems of racial prejudice and racial stigmatization.

In the ancient world, it was not like that at all. In order to be a slave, you lose a battle and people would then be carted off and put to work as slaves unless they could obtain their freedom. In the 1^st century, slavery had nothing to do with your skin color or where you came from geographically. It was everything to do with the social system in the ancient world. Their stay, food, work, and money came from such a setting.

Paul does not support slavery. Manumission (release from slavery) was encouraged by Paul.

1 Corinthians 7:21

Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you – although if you can gain your freedom, do so.

The story of the Exodus is the story of a God who frees the slaves. The Pentateuch gives great detail on the need for humane treatment of slaves and the process of their release from slavery (Lev. 21:7-11; 25:39-55; Deut. 15:12-18). Household slavery in the Hebrew society continued to New Testament times and it became a problem when the church had masters and slaves.

Paul is advocating a major change of attitude. Paul did not challenge his readers to rebel against slavery or slave owners. Instead, he urged slaves and their owners to continue to live within the existing social order and transform it from within by a radical new lifestyle individually and as a community within the church.

We actually have more slavery in our world today than we realize. Today we have now form of slavery.  The tragedy of our modern world is that slavery is rampant, but works under different names.

• Children enslaved in factories and restaurants.
• Bonded labor in rural areas and plantations.
• Prostitution in urban brothels.
• Total indebtedness to moneylenders.

Colossians 3:22-24

²²Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. ²³Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, ²⁴since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Just imagine it was Jesus who has asked you to do this. You would do it with joy and gladness. Paul is subverting the system by saying, “Whatever your master asks you to do, get to do it as you do it to Jesus.” That will show the master a different attitude.

• Do you work with all hard work, honesty and integrity?
• Do not do ‘eye service.’ Eye service is cheating the boss when he is not looking or by gaining his favor for personal gain.
• Do not work for ulterior motives.
• Work wholeheartedly.
• Work cheerfully and with all heart.
• Genuine work is rewarded.

We have a reward; 3:1-2. Jesus has his reward waiting for you, not just the pay of the slave but the inheritance that you are a citizen of God’s new world.

Masters

A word for masters:

Colossians 3:25

Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism.

Colossians 4:1

Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a master in heaven.

• Do what is just and fair/right for your slaves.
• Do not play favouritism. When you are the boss do not play favouritism.
• Provide your slaves what is right and fair.
• If a master ill-treats a slave, they will be paid back by the Lord.

 You have a master in heaven.

Example of a Master-Slave relationship: Roman Centurion and Servant.

In Matthew 8:5-13 and Luke 7:1-10, the story of a Roman centurion and his servant is found.

Centurion’s servant was paralyzed and suffering.

Centurion cared deeply for his servant.

He sought Jesus’ help for healing.

Displayed humility and compassion.

Acknowledged Jesus’ authority.

Believed in Jesus’ healing power.

Jesus marveled at the centurion’s faith.

Example of a compassionate master-slave relationship.

What is Paul saying?

Paul wants Christian household to be good neighbours. He wants them to be a stable building block of a new society and also of the present society, while standing out a mile in terms of lifestyle and habits of life in all sorts of way. So people will look at them on the street and say, “What a nice family they are. I am so glad they are our neighbours. These are good people to have around. They happen to forgive one another. How strange. They are loving and generous.” They very sight and talk of them bring joy in the society.

There is individual responsibly within the family but it is within and for the sake of a larger community, the larger community of the church and the larger community of the world around which will look and see there is a different way to be a human. This lifestyle of a family reflects one true God Himself.

Now that we are in Christ, the church has been called to mutual responsibility and a strong sense of unity. The unity is built on what they need to do in the community of faith and then Paul brings the same principle in the family settings, that influence the solidarity and unity in the larger church.

If husbands and wives have a good relationship.

If parents have good relationship with the children.

If the masters and slave are at peace with each other.

Then the household will live in unity and therein the church will be united.

This will help the church to be a positive witness to the world outside.

The hope of the vast and powerful nation of India lies with those churches that practice the Lordship of Christ in all of life.

The Church’s influence is far greater than its numerical strength.

The root cause of poverty and violence is not so much economic as moral – the evils of bribery, corruption, and nepotism. Only a moral revolution will change a corrupt heart.

The church not only ‘the center of God’s cosmic purpose and his appointed means of spreading the gospel, but God’s agent to establish justice in society.

Paul’s vision for the church family is set in the reality of the present, but with the eschatological hope clearly before him.

CONCLUSION

As we reflect on Paul’s wisdom, let us remember that his words are not confined to the first century; they transcend time and culture. They call us to examine our own households, ensuring they reflect the love and principles of Christ. In doing so, we participate in the renewal of God’s original vision for families—a vision of love, respect, and unity.

LIFE APPLICATION POINTS

Voluntary Submission: Wives and husbands are encouraged to embrace a spirit of voluntary submission and selfless love. Discuss with your spouse how you can mutually support and uplift each other in your roles.

Parenting with Love: If you are a parent, reflect on your parenting style. Are you fostering an atmosphere of love and understanding in your home? Seek ways to communicate better with your children and avoid embittering them.

Working with Integrity: For those in the workforce, Paul’s words on slaves and masters can be applied to our work lives. Approach your work with integrity and diligence, as if working for the Lord Himself.

Practical Forgiveness: Practice forgiveness within your family. When disagreements arise, be quick to forgive and reconcile, showing the world the transformative power of Christ’s forgiveness.

Neighbourhood Outreach: Consider how your family’s interactions and relationships with neighbours and friends reflect Christian values. Strive to be a positive influence in your community, letting the love of Christ shine through your actions.

By applying these principles in our lives, we not only build stronger families but also fulfill our calling as Christians to be agents of love, reconciliation, and transformation in a world in need of God’s grace.