Celebrating Family | Ephesians 5:21-6:4

INTRODUCTION

Today we are going to talk about our homes. Whether you are married or single, every one of us belongs to a home and we are going to look at what the Bible talks about household code: Marriage, family, husbands, wives, and children.

• For singles, you can benefit from an understanding of what marriage and family are and get prepared.
• For the married, this can be an enrichment and avoid a major crisis.
• For the ones going through a breakdown in marriage, I pray this will lead to a breakthrough.

Celebrating Family Ephesians 5:21-33

The Apostle Paul has been exhorting the believers at Ephesus to walk out the reality of who we are in Jesus. Ephesians 1-3 are all about who we are in the Lord, our position in the Lord. Ephesians 4-6 are all about how to walk it out. This is certainly the case when it comes to living together as family. We are to walk out the same reality as to who we are in Jesus.

Paul earlier in 5:15-21 spoke about wise and Spirit-filled living. The final expression of wise and Spirit-filled living is: Speaking in love, singing and making melody from the heart, thanksgiving, and submission to one another as Christ is one’s Lord.¹ So what follows Paul’s instruction on household code is the direct result of a Spirit-left life.

If the Christian community is working together in this way, we can have an honourable household, society will respect Christians, the structure and order in their household will have direct effect on the wider church.

Ephesians 5:21-33

²¹Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²²Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—³⁰for we are members of his body. ³¹“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³²This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Household Composition In The 1^st Century Greco-Roman World.

• Husband head of the household. Husband is also the master of the slave. Husband being the head the wife becomes the COO of the house.
• Age difference between husband and wife would be 10-15 years.
• Children not necessarily of the same mother (Mother, concubines, and slaves).
• Slaves 30-35% of major cities.
• Usually slaves’ children belong to master if manumitted/set free.
• Some households would have over 20 people.¹

In the 21^st Century we have nuclear families and very few joint families.

General Instructions On Marriage

Marriage Is An Essential Plan Part Of Gods Plan.

Genesis 1:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Then of course, there are others who have a divine calling for being single. One needs to receive that call from God. Other than that, it is God’s will that all marry and have a home.

Matthew. 19:12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

ILLUSTRATION

Do you know that presently Indian women & men are choosing to remain single?

2011 Census, India had 71.4 million single women (7 Crore 14 lakhs).

2023 the number has easily said to have crossed 100 million single woman (10 crores).

Outlook; March 10; 2023: A recent survey (Ministry of Statistics & Program) about Indian youth has found that youth with higher education don’t aspire to get married early.²

In Paul’s time there were two philosophies that influenced the idea of marriage: Stoics and Cynics.

• For Stoics, marriage is noble and good for the cosmos, even the gods patronized marriage.
• For Cynics – Marriage is an obstacle in the pursuit of philosophy and a burden in life.

What Is Affecting Our Young Adult’s Decision About Marriage?

On the Positive side: The biblical call for singleness.

• On the negative side:
• Waiting for the perfect woman or the perfect man.
• Drive toward self-centredness, individual freedom, and financial freedom.
• Phobia of commitment.
• Bad experience of marriage from Parents or friend’s parents.
• Influence of media, movies.
• The freedom to live-in relationship without committing in marriage.

Husband And Wife Are Equal In The Sight Of God.

Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Marriage Is Built On Mutual Submission & Love

Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Healthy marriages begin with submission.

True, pure, and fullest happiness comes when we are pursuing our marriage not as a means for self-satisfaction but when we are pursuing our marriage by loving, respecting and submitting to our spouse. It is a mutual submission; submit to one another.

Paul earlier in v15 onwards spoke about wise and Spirit-filled living. If we are willing to be led by the spirit then we can all submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

People, both men and women do not like the ‘submit’ word. Those who are filled by the Spirit submit to one another.

Within the context of God’s kingdom, even Jesus has chosen to submit to God the Father.

The problem is people do not want to submit. Any kind of submission is distasteful to us. The fact of the matter is in every well-ordered society we find the supporting pillars as authority and submission.

Submission and Love are universal Christian obligations in marriage.

It is out of mutual submission that Paul asks the wives to submit to her husband.

ILLUSTRATION

In 1967, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe went through the medical reports of over 5000 patients and developed an inventory of the most distressing human experiences that we could have.

Some say No. 7 is counted twice. I don’t believe that.

Wives: Submit To Your Husbands.

Address to the wives

Ephesians 5:22-24 ²²Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (why) ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

“Biblical submission in marriage is the disposition to follow a husband’s authority and a loving response to yield to his leadership.” It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you to take initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish when you are passive and when I have to make sure the family works.”

Biblical submission is a loving response the husband’s:

• Leadership.
• Protection.
• Love.

Why Should The Wife Submit?

Because the Bible says so.

What Does Biblical Submission Look Like?

Ephesians 5:33

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The word ‘respect’ sums up what does submission look like.

Submission is not subordination or authority. It is responsibility. Wives are not required to accept unworthy, degrading or un-Christlike forms of submission.

What Submission Does Not Mean:

Submission does not mean agreeing with your husband in everything. But biblical submission means in your disagreement with your husband, you do not resort to disrespect and demeaning language or attitudes. A woman is free to disagree, but she needs to do it respectfully, rather than responding to him in a belittling or demeaning way, her response should be respectful.

Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar.

Submission does not mean avoiding effort to influence your husband.

Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.

Submission does not mean that a wife is to respond out of fear.

Biblical submission is a willing response of love. Submission is the wife’s love for the husband and the recognition of husband’s love for his wife.

There are two sides to this coin. If your wife is not submitting to way you think she should, maybe you need to look to in the mirror and find out if your leadership is allowing gracious and kind headship and leadership in the home that makes it easy for her to submit. A man ought to make it easy for his wife to submit and to respond with respect to him.

What should a wife do if her husband is neglecting or rejecting his role as head?

How to respond to husband who is an unbeliever, or he is a believer but he is stumbling in some aspects of God’s word?

1 Peter 3:1-6

¹Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ²when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, ⁶like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Husbands: Love Your Wives

Ephesians 5:25-33

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—³⁰for we are members of his body. ³¹“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³²This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

A Husband Is The Head Of The Family

Husband Has The Role Of Headship

What does Paul mean by headship?

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

Ephesians 5:22-23 ²²Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

Headship (Noun) – the position of a leader.

God ordained the husband’s role to be the head in the relationship. Some women are more qualified for leadership but God has given this role for the husband. Remember when Adam and Eve sinned God called out for Adam, not Eve.

Husband has to follow Christ’s headship as his pattern. The headship of Jesus expresses care rather than control, responsibility rather than rule.

He is called to a position of leadership. It is to lead, to be example, to take initiative in all aspects of the family.

A Husband Is Called To Love His Wife.

It is not only a position of leadership, but in that context of leadership, he is called to love. Just like God gives the command to the wife to submit, God commands the husband to love his wife.

It is easy for us men to say, “Yeah, I love her.” This is a command to act lovingly, treat her lovingly. By giving man this one command to love her, the Apostle Paul is sharing with you and I the heart of what he created in the woman to be her greatest need, it is to be loved. A woman has many other needs beyond that, but paramount to them all is that she needs to be loved, she needs to know that she is loved.

A Husband Is Called To Love Sacrificially. v25

I am literally to lay down my life to love her. Means to lay down my desires, to lay down some of my wants and my wishes and to show the same quality of love to my woman that Jesus showed for his church. That means being dedicated to her, being devoted to her; physical, emotional and spiritual welfare. Being called to give everything that I have to this woman and everything that I am.

Asking a woman to submit to a husband apart from his sacrificial love placed her in a very vulnerable and very dangerous situation. But loving her sacrificially communicates to her there is security and stability in the relationship.

1 Peter 3:7

A Husband Is Called To Leave And Cleave.

He leaves his father and mother. It does not talk about neglect. But he talks about a emotional, physical connection to this woman that is paramount about all else. If a man is neglecting his own home to take care of other issues in the extended family, there is a problem. A man is to leave his father and mother both emotionally and physically and is to be united to his wife.

ILLUSTRATION

Just think about people who you know in your life who are in a lifelong committed relationship. Maybe you are in one, maybe you want to be in one. Just think about them. How many people can you count that you know are in an amazing, thriving, awesome, passionate, excited to wake up every morning relationship? How many role models do we have in our culture? People who have been tighter for a long period of and are still totally into it? The circle gets a kind of small, right? We have a whole of people who are married and remain in it because of no choice, we have seen in others the upset and breakdown of marriage.

Over the past years in our pastoral ministry we have work with couples on the verge of breakdown. Yes, in some cases we could not bring a reconciliation due to various factors, but the Lord has given us quite a bit of success as well. What I like working with couples who are in the verge of breakdown is the breakthrough that comes after it.

At the point of breakdown, couples do make some choices:

• They can stay married but give up on the fulfilment and joy and all the things they committed to in marriage.
• Some divorce and get remarried. But the problem can be that the same ideas could be what drives the next relationship.
• Some divorce and can give up on relationships altogether.
• Or they can work on their present relationship. Seek help.

Some tips for struggling marriages:

• Don’t expect that you will never be hurt in your marriage relationship. Find a way to deal your hurt.
• Share power.
• Instead of compromise, solve problems together.
• Seek external help of a counsellor or pastor.

Children:

Ephesians 6:1-3 ¹Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ²“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— ³“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Children are to obey your parents even when you do not like it.

Obey Your Parents

Honour Your Father And Mother

Promise:

It may go well with you.

Enjoy long life.

Children Are To Provide For Your Needy Parents.

1 Timothy 5:4 But if any widow has children or grandchildren, they should learn to practice their religion toward their own family first and to repay their parents, for this pleases God.

Children you have a responsibility to take care of your parents especially when they are old, when they are hospitalized it is your responsibility.

Parents:

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Fathers Do Not Exasperate/Frustrate/Provoke Your Children.

NASB Fathers do not provoke your children to anger

Bring Children Up in Training & Instruction/Discipline.

CONCLUSION

A wise and Spirit-lead believer will manage his/her household well.

Wives are to submit to and respect their husbands.

Husbands are to love their wives and lead their homes.

Children are to obey their parents.

Parents are to provide for and discipline their children.

The result of the Christian community living this way according to Ephesians:

• We will imitate God, 5:1
• There will not be sexual immorality, 5:3
• We will live as children of light, 5:8
• We will have an honourable household.
• Society will respect Christians.
• The structure and order in their household will have a direct effect on the wider church.

Wise Christians live with integrity. Christian integrity in the home is similar to what is reflected in the community of faith.