Three Words That Heal | Ephesians 4
Three Words That Heal | Ephesians 4
INTRODUCTION
What are the important words that parents teach children that we still use in our common conversation on a daily basis? Thank you, Please, Sorry, Excuse me, You’re welcome, How are you, I love you.
May be the these are most important words. But the words that we are going to address today are sadly lacking in so many families. When spoken, they have the power to heal, I believe, even the most broken families and relationships.
If we were to ask the question, “What is mankind’s greatest problem? Man greatest problem began in the garden. Man’s greatest enemy, our greatest problem, is sin. So, if mankind’s greatest problem is sin, then what is our greatest need? The greatest need that mankind has is what Jesus Christ exclusively came to offer, and that is forgiveness of sin.
But today, I want to speak about three words that are often missing in many homes, many friendships, many marriages, many families, and even sometimes in churches.
These words are not easy to say. But when they are spoken from the heart, by the grace of God, they can bring healing to wounded hearts and broken relationships.
Those three words are: “I forgive you.”
Ephesians 4:31-32
31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
1. The Pain We Carry
Have you ever noticed how a child has this natural inclination to break things? I find it interesting that you and I are not so different than that. We have an inclination to reproduce what we naturally are, and that is we are broken people and we have a tendency to hurt others too.
The Bible reminds us that Jesus said He was sent to, in Luke 4:18
18The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,
Jesus came to heal broken people, including broken families.
There may be some here that know the depth of pain caused by a family member:
Family members that have not treated you well.
Children or parents that have hurt you deeply.
Families that have turned their backs on you, a spouse that has abandoned you, or maybe a spouse that’s still living under the same roof but it is as if they abandoned you long ago.
A friend who has hurt and betrayed you.
The hurt that comes from a member of your family or a close friend may be the most hurtful of all. Families are intended by God to be this oasis from the harsh realities of the world around us. So, when the oasis becomes a battlefield; the hurt that results can run very deep.
What Forgiveness Is Not?
Forgiveness is not forgetting.
You can and most likely will remember the depth of hurt from a wrong done to you.
Forgiveness is not ceasing to feel the pain of the offense.
When you forgive it does not mean that you are not supposed to feel the hurt anymore. Listen, there can be hurts that are carried for years. This does not mean that you have not forgiven.
Forgiveness is not diminishing the offense or forsaking justice.
This is not saying, “Well, it’s okay, it was no big deal.” Forgiveness can happen even as justice is served.
Forgiveness is not allowing the other person to hurt you again.
Forgiveness is not saying, “Well, you know, Jesus told us to forgive 70 x 7, so yeah, I forgive, and you can hurt me again, no. forgiveness is not making it easy for the offender to continually offend.
So, we understand what forgiveness and what it is not.
2. The Poison We Must Put Away
Why should I be motivated to forgive?
Coming back to Ephesians 4, Apostle Paul gives us six consequences or six evidences of unforgiveness.
Ephesians 4:31
31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
The parallel passage that Paul gives us in Colossians 3:8.
Colossians 3:8
8But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
These are six consequences that unforgiveness brings. Forgiveness, by the way, protects us from these things.
The first three are inward consequence: Bitterness, range and anger.
The last three are outward evidences of a unforgiving person: Brawling, slander and malice.
Unforgiveness is like a poison. It is something that’s acidic. It means you’ve been contaminated by something, and that something has the potential to literally eat you alive.
Unforgiveness is like a smouldering resentment, brooding, holding a grudge. This is typically something that originates from some type of personal injury. Someone has hurt you. Someone said something they shouldn’t have said.
Unforgiveness may not be seen initially but it will be eventually, because it always consumes the container that holds it. Unforgiveness can turn to boiling anger and explosive hostility. It’s always churning inside. Now, you may not see it boil over, but it’s always ready to. There was something there that was not resolved and, ooh, now something just starts boiling, and it is ready to erupt. It is like a volcano.
Eventually unforgiveness leads to outward disposition of anger, very loud, public outburst and speech that’s injurious to another person’s good name. Unforgiveness unchecked can lead to malice which is a desire to injure others verbally or physically that is not ashamed to break laws.
This is where the poison of unforgiveness brings us to: “I don’t care what it costs. I am going to repay evil with even more evil.”
In 1 Corinthians chapter 5 Apostle Paul talks about how unforgiveness works:
1 Corinthians 5:8
8Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
The context here is incest; however, what is interesting is that the word “yeast” is connected to the word “malice.”
Once you add the yeast to the dough it penetrates the entire batch and it keeps rising and rising; it continues to multiply and multiply. Once the leaven of malice or unforgiveness is added, our ill will, our desire to injure, our boldness in defending our own actions will continually rise.
Resentment within a family can run deep and sometimes, through the course of many years, it can rise to a place that you can’t function even in each other’s presence because of malice.
So, I ask the question: Who wouldn’t desire to avoid these consequences?
So, let’s go beyond:
The Pain we carry & the Poison we must put away.
3. The Posture We Must Put On
Kindness, Compassion, and forgiveness
Ephesians 4:31-32
32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Do you notice what he says? Now, instead of all of these six ills plaguing you, he says, “Okay, listen, let’s begin with kindness.”
4. The Pattern We Must Follow
Paul does not simply tell us to forgive. He gives us the pattern of forgiveness.
Ephesians 4:31-32
32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
The pattern for Christian forgiveness is not our feelings. It is not the response of the other person. It is not whether they deserve it. The pattern is the way God has forgiven us in Christ.
So, what does it mean to forgive?
In Genesis 50, after Jacob died, Joseph’s brothers were afraid. They had sinned terribly against Joseph. They had thrown him into a pit, sold him as a slave, lied to their father, and wounded him deeply. Now they wondered, “Will Joseph finally take revenge?”
So they sent this message to Joseph after the death of his father:
Genesis 50:17
15When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” 16So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died:
17‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept.
The Hebrew word used there carries the idea of lifting, carrying, or bearing. We see this same idea in Genesis 4:13, when Cain says:
Genesis 4:13
13Cain said to the Lord, “My punishment is more than I can bear. (Nasah).
So forgiveness is not pretending that nothing happened. Forgiveness is not saying the wound was small. Forgiveness is not denying the pain. Forgiveness means that a real wrong has been done, a real burden has been placed upon you, and now you must decide how you will carry it.
[Pause]
That is the question: How will I carry this hurt?
Will I carry it with bitterness?
Will I carry it with revenge?
Will I carry it by poisoning my own soul?
Or will I carry it to the cross and place it before the Lord?
Joseph carried his pain before God. He did not deny what his brothers did. He did not call evil good. But he refused to repay evil with evil. He chose the way of God.
This is also what Jesus teaches in Matthew 18:21–35. Peter asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Jesus was not giving Peter a mathematical limit. He was showing him a kingdom pattern. Genesis chapter 4 describes the world of Cain and Lamech. Lamech sings one of the first poems in the Bible. And it’s a little poem about his unforgiveness. He talks about how there was a young man that he ran into and the young man tried to pick a fight with him, and he just murdered him on the spot.
Genesis 4:23-24
23Lamech said to his wives,
“Adah and Zillah, listen to me;
wives of Lamech, hear my words.
I have killed a man for wounding me,
a young man for injuring me.
24If Cain is avenged seven times,
then Lamech seventy-seven times.”
And he sings long about how proud he is of vengeance on this young man. I’m Lamech seventy-seven times the vengeance. I killed him right there.
But in the kingdom of Christ, the spiral of vengeance is broken by mercy.
Yet we must be very clear. Jesus does not mean that forgiveness is ignoring evil, excusing sin, tolerating abuse, or pretending that trust is automatically restored. In the same chapter, Jesus teaches us to confront sin honestly and wisely. Sometimes others must be brought in. Sometimes boundaries must be established. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Reconciliation requires repentance, truth, responsibility, and the rebuilding of trust.
But forgiveness begins in the heart before God.
The unforgiving servant in Matthew 18 forgot how much he had been forgiven. He received mercy but refused to show mercy. Church, that must not be our story.
We forgive because we have been forgiven. We release revenge because Christ bore our sin. We entrust justice to God because God is righteous. And we show mercy because, in Christ, mercy has first been shown to us.
5. The Path We Must Walk
5 STEPS TO FORGIVENESS
So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness means to bear something. I have to carry something.
1. Understand what has really happened to you.
Feel your hurt. Accept to yourself that you are hurt.
2. Come to God.
1 Peter 5:7
a. Tell God this is the pain I carry. It is also okay to find someone goldy and safe to verbalize your pain with. Pray alongside that person. Hand over your pain to God.
b. Ask God for Forgiveness.
Ask God help to deal with your anger. Tell God that you are angry, hurt, bitter, upset.
Is there anything that I have done to contribute to this pain.
Is there anything I have done verbal or physical to take revenge for the hurt.
Jesus taught us that giving and receiving forgiveness is connected; Matthew 6:12. Receiving God’s forgiveness helps you to forgive others.
3. Seek for the fruit of the Spirit.
Ask God the help exchange your pain and hurt for the fruit of the Spirit.
Do you know, the first verse of the next chapter, right after “forgive each other …. be kind and compassionate?”
Ephesians 5:1-2
1Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
You imitate that which you have seen.
4. Set Boundaries
If you reflect on your relational history, you may find a pattern in which you keep getting mistreated in similar ways. You may have a blind spot or a way that you’re unwittingly enabling other people to disrespect or hurt you. It’s important to set wise boundaries on your expectations and interactions with other people. Sometimes you need to keep distance, say no, or hold back your vulnerable emotions and needs.
It’s always loving and personally healing to engage the process of forgiveness, but reconciliation depends on both people acting with honest and responsible love for one another (Matt. 18:19-22).
5. Entrust justice to God
Ultimately, forgiveness means letting God be the judge. Praying an angry Psalm can help you to feel your emotions, share with God, and leave justice in God’s hands
CONCLUSION
I would like you to listen to this sermon again, pass it onto someone who is hurt. Work on this sermon and tell it from our heart to people who hurt us, “I Forgive You.”
Do you know, as we conclude this, how many homes may be miraculously restored if these words were offered? Perhaps the three most important words that could be said in your family, the words: “I forgive you.”